


Nukenin

by OHai_Here



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-29
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-02-23 02:52:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2531417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OHai_Here/pseuds/OHai_Here
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the sealed scroll he finds a Bingo Book – his own page marking him as an S-class nukenin with flee-on-sight orders.</p><p>“Ok. That is definitely different.”</p><p>In his head he blames Naruto – even if his number one unpredictable student had been nowhere near him on this mission. When things go this stupidly impossibly wrong it must somehow be the future Hokage’s fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Nukenin](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2469131) by [WhisperingDarkness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhisperingDarkness/pseuds/WhisperingDarkness). 



> First chapter is completely WhisperingDarkness', second chapter and beyond is mine! 
> 
> If you like the first chapter, praise WhisperingDarkness, because they are awesome.

 

* * *

 

When Kakashi wakes up he is somewhat surprised that he wakes up at all.

Not too much, because by now he’s used to the strange feeling of waking up when you were sure you were going to die. It’s actually pretty much a part of the job description.

The surprising part would be that he’s not in the place he last remembered. Neither is he in a hospital, medical tent, or even any form of shelter. On the other hand, he’s not tied up in some interrogation room or prison cell either. No enemies, no allies, just grass and the cheerful sound of birdsong.

The little wounds he had received in his most recent battle seemed to have completely disappeared. This is odd – because there are no bandages on his body and no signs that a comrade, or anyone, had been nearby enough to treat him. His clothes are… slightly different, but they still fit him well and they carry his own scent. Checking his weapons, he notices that his kunai pouch contains three more kunai than it should have. What’s even stranger than any of this, and much more alarming, is that there’s no Icha Icha book in any of his pockets.

He stands up and looks around. “Alright. This could be… a bad thing.” He states out loud.

Because yes, something had definitely gone wrong when he used his Mangekyō Sharinganon that enemy jounin. The man had been strong (at least for a random jounin he’d never heard of) and more than that, slightly tricky. And Kakashi had been alone – one against three (even if the other two jounin were nothing special) so he’d felt it was best to end it as quickly as he could.

Then that jounin had used some sort of genjutsu, but Kakashi had ignored it, because what sort of genjutsu would work against the Sharingan? But it had done something – something to his Sharingan, something to him, and he could instantly tell there was something very, very wrong even as he couldn’t stop himself from continuing his Kamui attack. Space was distorted – the genjutsu interfered and… what happened?

Grass and birdsong, and Kakashi is at least seventy percent sure he isn’t dead.

It’s a look at his own reflection in the nearby river that gives him at least something of an answer.

There is a straight, deliberate slash through the Konoha symbol on his hia-ate.

He stares.

He stares some more.

Then he mechanically rids his body of most of what he is wearing and carrying and carefully looks through all of it. In the sealed scroll he finds a Bingo Book – his own page marking him as an S-class nukenin with flee-on-sight orders.

“Ok. That is definitely different.”

In his head he blames Naruto – even if his number one unpredictable student had been nowhere near him on this mission. When things go thisstupidly impossibly wrong it must somehow be the future Hokage’s fault.

 

* * *

 

It takes a lot to make Hatake Kakashi flinch.

After years in ANBU, losing his teammates in a myriad of horrible ways, joining Root, betraying Root and witnessing the aftermath of the Uchiha massacre he’d already felt like a hollow weapon who’d seen it all.

That was before Team Seven.

As a jounin-sensei he felt a lot less hollow, and a lot more immune to surprises. Because with Tsunade as Hokage, with Gaara as Kazekage and Suna as a close ally (who would have thought?) and with Sasuke as missing-nin, Sakura as a strong, capable medic-nin who could face down Sasori of the Red Sands and rip his heart out, and with Naruto as his own improbable self (his three students practically the second coming of the sannin!) he had adapted to the new version of reality, no matter how stupid or strange.

And now he was adapting once more.

Whatever had happened was strange and wrong in every possible way, but hardly a fate worse than death (and ANBU Inu was quite familiar with those).

So Kakashi doesn’t flinch.

He could have been dead – should have been, because even if he’s one of the most powerful, capable jounin of Konoha, things go wrong – even legends can die at the hands of a genin if they get lucky. Every battle was a gamble and this time Kakashi had lost.

He isn’t dead.

Dead to his home, dead to his Konoha – probably, possibly, because he had tried to get back using Kamui, had managed to use the Mangekyō Sharingan on himself and figured out how phasing in and out of that other dimension worked. But it hadn’t brought him back home despite his many attempts (most of them intermitted with days of recovering from chakra exhaustion) and there was little more he could do. (Because where do you even start in a situation as impossible as this one?)

Now, month later he admits to himself that for now, he’s more or less stuck in this world and he decides to make the best of it. Since going back to Konoha is very much a no-no, (they’d most likely kill him on the spot – he was much too dangerous to attempt to capture alive) he goes with the hand he’s been given.

He travels around and gathers information. He finds out, through his admirable ninja skills (he buys every available Icha Icha book and cries when he realizes the latest one doesn’t exist here), that this world is a few years behind, but it still seems mostly the same as his – the countries, the shinobi, the history. So far all is as it should be, from his time line, except, of course, for the fact that Hatake Kakashi had abandoned Konoha three years ago (according to the Bingo Book).

As a nukenin, he ends up picking his own missions, which is actually quite nice – no assassinations on children or paragons of goodness and light and never a Fire Country civilian, no matter how rotten they are – no, he gets to choose which missions to accept, which people deserve help and which bastards deserve to die and there is something about that that he likes, even if it worries him just a little how gleefully he makes these decisions. Not a lot, because he is too familiar with the darkness in himself to really fear it.

But besides a few righteous assassinations that he might enjoy too much, he picks a lot of guarding and escort missions, because somehow that works for him best. He doesn’t have a village to look after in the here and now, doesn’t have his team, his Hokage, his Konoha, so he finds his own reasons and people to protect and even if it isn’t quite the same, it’s enough to keep him content.

But then two Leaf nin end up on the opposite side of that line – they’re on a mission to stop a civilian caravan bring trade to Suna. And for political reasons, the Sandaime had signed off on the order to stop the caravan from making it there – no need to kill all involved, of course, but there was a named target; the most important of these traders and incidentally, Kakashi’s client – and an order to steal or destroy the merchandise.

And this is Konoha – this is a mission from the Hokage, from Sandaime-sama, still alive in this world. But Kakashi had given his world to his client and his family, to these people, these civilians who have nothing to do with any of the political undercurrents that would lead to their deaths, and he’s a nukenin now who doesn’t have to take any mission he doesn’t want to.

He doesn’t have to side with Konoha, but it is almost instinct to follow those orders the moment his Kage bunshin expells and transfers the information it had read in that mission scroll – the mission scroll with the Sandaime Hokage’s mark on it.

Almost instinct, but not quite.

He stops a kunai from reaching one of the civilians and forces Raido and Genma away from the group. It’s easy, so easy to stop them, even with such a major handicap – with having people to protect and refusing to use his deadliest (most of his) abilities.

But it’s easy, because these two may be tokubetsu jounin, but Kakashi knows them and knows how they fight. Genma, Raido, Minato-sensei’s guards, friends and comrades and he really doesn’t want to fight them. But he does, as if it’s just a spar, even while they are trying to kill him. He outmatches them, easily, but cannot find it in himself to do them any real harm.

So he wears them down. Defends and deflects and uses some low-chakra techniques to keep them busy, because low-chakra doesn’t mean low-ranked and he is the master of over a thousand jutsu, he has enough to keep them busy for a long time yet and with his Sharingan covered, he has enough chakra to outlast them by far.

When Raido finally overtaxes himself – uses a technique that leaves him teethering towards chakra exhaustion, Genma spits out; “Who the hell are you?” and Kakashi stops moving, cocks his head to the side, frows for a moment of deliberation and then, finally, takes off the hood of his cloak.

“Maa. I’m just the shinobi hired to protect this caravan.” He answers casually.

The silence in the wake of this revelation is sudden and complete – no more jutsu or kunai, just a tightening and tensing of muscles as two men stare at him in disbelief.

“What? Even a nukenin has to eat.” Kakashi says, tone easy and amused.

“And you chose an escort mission, of all things, to get money?” Genma asks – and the incredulity is real, but it’s not all there is to it. Kakashi knows them – knows Genma is getting involved in this conversation to stretch for time – to let Raido recover, to come up with some sort of plan or uncover something about Kakashi that will let them walk out of this alive.

And it’s not-funny that Kakashi is the enemy here, the one to be weary of. So he throws them a bone, shows them a glimpse of the truth, because these are his comrades. “The pay is a bit less, yes. But escorts are actually my favorites, nowadays.”

“I would have thought you’d found them boring.” Raido shoots back, voice tired but firm.

“Maa. Everyone needs a hobby. It’s actually quite soothing.”

And maybe he shouldn’t have eye-smiled at Raido like that, because the Kakashi in this world was young when he left – still in ANBU, probably, or only just out of it - and not the him he’d grown up to be after. Not the lazy, easy-going pervert but the deadly soldier who fought more fiercely than flame but who was little more than a weapon and who made the darkness of ANBU and Root his own.

Genma takes his smile as a threat and steps in front of Raido, body tense, ready for a fight, ready for death and for going down fighting. “What do you want?” the man demands, harshly. “You were just toying with us earlier, wearing us down. Why? You could have killed us easily enough. What’s your game?”

And Kakashi holds himself back from what he’d normally do – from holding up his hands and giving the man that lazy smile and a ‘who me?’ answer. Because that would only make things worse and it’s hard to see his comrades hiding their fear of him.

Instead his face is serious as he answers. “I have no desire whatsoever to kill you.” He tells them flatly, straight to the point. “But I will not let you come near these people either – I’ve given them my word to get them safely to the Country of Wind. That is my mission, and I am not in a habit of failing them. So this is your choice: walk away and fail your mission.” Kakashi throws the man the earlier pilfered mission scroll. “Or take your chances against me.”

His voice is that of the ANBU Captain he once was: it leaves no room for negotiation, no way out or around it. Just take it or leave it – one last chance.

They will take it, Kakashi knows.

After a long moment, Genma nods, gathers his friend and turns around and jumps away. And no-one gives an enemy their back that easily, but all three of them know it doesn’t make a difference – the two of them were always at Kakashi’s mercy.

Kakashi turns around too, heads back to the caravan and knows they won’t be back.

Genma and Raido are Konoha shinobi, after all, and good ones too. They know better than to take on stupid odds like that for a non-vital B-rank.

 

* * *

 

That was the first time he’d run across familiar faces on a mission in this world and he didn’t like it.

After that he is more careful in selecting his missions, because he never wants to face his comrades as an enemy. It had nearly killed him to end Rin’s life and that memory is enough to haunt him without adding more.

So from here on out, the missions he picks are, as far as he can tell with his knowledge from his own world and intelligence from this one, always in Konoha’s best interest. Or at the very least, not against it.

He still holds to his first rule as a nukenin, though; without direct orders from his Hokage he will not assassinate any Fire Country civilian, and even if it is in Konoha’s best interest he will do no harm to the little kids. Those self-made rules are enough to make him feel not like Danzo, meddling for the supposed good of all, and it also gives him something more to work towards instead of picking missions on a whim. There’s more information gathering, more stealth and careful considerations and more at stake when he accepts the mission because it’s not just his own honor on the line anymore, but also Konoha’s benefit.

And, like all nukenin, he gains somewhat of a reputation. Surprisingly enough, though, this part of his reputation spreads through the civiliancommunities, amongst clients and potential clients.

He was already known as an S-rank ninja, as the Copy nin, as a highly skilled assassin. Now he is also known as a nukenin who always completes the missions he accepts – who never fails and never demands an increase in pay.

A trustworthy criminal, the word goes in certain circles and for a while he gets a lot of extra requests. Most of them come from people who are a little (or a lot) shady themselves – the gross of these missions are assassinations and Kakashi declines most of them (but not all).

In one case, where the photo of the target shows a four year old kid with sun-kissed hair and the brightest green eyes imaginable, Kakashi goes one step further and eliminates the prospective client without pause. “You’re a despicable excuse for a man.” He informs the dead body, his mind’s eye filled with the image of an other bright blond boy; “And I don’t do children.” He looks up at the other men in the room, the guards, mercenaries, hired help. They watch him, gaping and terrified of the shinobi in their midst. “Anything else?” He asks. One of them manages to shake his head dumbly and Kakashi turns and leaves.

After that people are a bit more hesitant to approach him, at least for a while. Word has obviously gotten out because no-one dares to ask him to kill a child after that. Surprisingly this little hiccup also gets him a few more requests from the less shady side of life - from normal civilians who for some reason can't afford or send a request to the reputable shinobi of a ninja village, or those who were planning on asking Konoha for help, hear word of a missing nin nearby, and end up asking him instead.

He had never noticed this as a loyal leaf shinobi, but these clients usually actually do their research (well, they ask around) before they decide to hire a shinobi. He supposes that's because of their own survival instinct. They are, after all, wearier of him than of an 'official' shinobi from the village and it shows.

But more and more those brave few come forward, bolstered by tales of completed missions and a supposed love for children (that last part of his reputation is understandable considering the circumstances, but it still makes him blink in disbelief because he doesn't even like brats, not really and he's not a nice person).

These civilians want protection, for the most part, escort missions and the like. Some even ask him the equivalent of D-ranks – to use his strange, ninja powers with chores they cannot manage themselves. It’s funny, Kakashi thinks, the idea of an S-class nukenin using an A-rank water jutsu to water the fields after a small draught – so of course he never refuses those missions. And it's almost… nice, to see the nervous civilians of these remote villages, unused to shinobi, become more and more at ease with the killer in their midst before he moves on to the next.

 

* * *

 

He knew it was inevitable that at some point he’d run into more Konoha ninja. He hadn’t expected these circumstances.

If it’s strange to him, he can only imagine how unreal the situation must be for those poor chuunin.

He can just picture it; fearless little Akahana-chan running up to Umino Iruka (because without a doubt, a child would choose him and not the Aburame, as the most trustworthy one) asking something like ‘are you a ninja too?’ with a great amount of awe. And when the man asks her if she knows any other ninja, Akahana-chan would inform him of someone who had just helped escort her daddy safely home and who is even wearing that same sign on his forehead.

Then the Aburame says that it is logical that if there is another Konoha ninja here, that they might ask for the help they require and that the chances of a successful mission would most certainly increase. And Iruka-san encourages Akahana-chan to lead them to him.

He plays this all out in his mind, deducing their need for help from the tired stance and injuries on the two shinobi.

Akahana runs over to him, all bright and happy and full of innocent helpfulness and Kakashi snorts when he hears her say ‘look, I found more ninja, just like you!’ as if it’s a gift to him.

He nods seriously to her, thanks her, and pats her head as if she’s a dog – because that’s how he’d always treated his genin and if it worked well enough for them, it should be fine with other kids too.

She rushes off and leaves the three shinobi behind.

Kakashi is fond of Iruka, really, so it shouldn’t be funny at all to face him as a nukenin, as enemies and not comrades, but that look on his face – of realization and then dread – makes him smile beneath his mask.

He glances at the Aburame, whose blank face betrays nothing, but whose stance is suddenly tense and ready, and he can see the thoughts and calculations whirling behind that blankness. His smile stretches into a grin.

“Yo.” He says happily, raising his hand in greeting.

The Academy sensei opens and closes his mouth in dismay. “You. You are…”

“Hatake Kakashi.” He bows politely, because he can. “And you are Umino Iruka. Nice to meet you.”

Silence.

“Maa, Umino-san, that’s rather impolite.” Kakashi scolds lightly, scratching the back of his head as if puzzled by this strange occurrence.

“Nice to meet you.” Iruka parrots, bowing mechanically. Then he blinks, shakes of the shock and backs away. “How do you know my name?” The chuunin demands, in a somewhat dangerous voice that doesn’t suit him.

Kakashi waves his hands, symbolically waving the question away. “Really, that’s what you’re asking? Not ‘What are you doing here?’ ‘What are your evil plans?’ ‘Will you be killing us anytime soon?’ No, simply ‘How do you know my name?’ Is that really the important thing here?”

“Will you be killing us anytime soon?” The Aburame asks him without pause, voice as toneless as possible and Kakashi smiles at him, because this is what makes that clan who they are – not the bugs, but that logical frame of mind and that unrepentant bluntness; that complete disregard for social rules, awkwardness and tact.

"Not at all, Aburame-san." He informs the man pleasantly. "I have no reason to. My mission is complete and I have not accepted a new one, so I can see no conflict in that area. Will you be attacking me anytime soon?"

"At this moment, that would not be a logical course of action. Chances of success are low. Probability of failing our current mission even more likely - as we cannot do both."

"And what would your current mission be, exactly?"

Iruka frowned at him. "Why would we tell you?"

"Well, didn't you come here for help?" Kakashi says, infusing his words with as much innocence and helpfulness as he can manage. (For an ex-ANBU, current missing-nin, that is actually a surprising amount, but he's had a lot of practice during Team Seven's early days.)

"Why would you help us?"

"Konoha solidarity?" He says it like it's a joke, knows they won't believe such a simple truth at all, but really that is what it boils down to in the end. Even a year of this new, strange life does nothing to erase his loyalty to the village he had served for so many bloodstained years.

"Logically, it would make no sense for him, as a missing nin, to offer us aid. However, he would also gain nothing from deceiving us – he will not gain our trust so easily and he does not need deception to gain the upper hand. Why? Because we are chuunin, and he is an S-ranked ninja."

"See logic!" A cheerful eye-smile.

"Unless he's playing some sort of sadistic, twisted game for his own amusement."

"But sensei, I didn't know you were this distrustful. It's nothing more than me, offering you the aid of a jounin on this mission – for the love of Konoha, Akahana-chan, and kids and puppies everywhere."

The glare Iruka sends him should be considered a lethal weapon. It shuts him up.

For a moment.

"It has been a while since I've worked with a team, though." He steps forward, bows deeply and chants as innocently and happily as a child meeting their sensei for the first time; "Please take care of me."

Iruka doesn't give him the polite response.

Neither does the Aburame.

Kakashi thinks that he hasn’t had this much fun in a long time.

 

* * *

 

It’s true that it had been awhile since he worked with a team, but Kakashi isn’t likely to forget something like teamwork. Distrustful as the two chuunin are of him, they do need him. Their charge had been kidnapped – and the group that was after her had hired their own shinobi.

Their charge was also a ten-year old. The daughter of an important family held for both ransom and revenge. This mission should have been a B-rank from the start, Kakashi thinks absentmindedly as he leads the two chuunin, tracking the girl by scent.

When they come upon the group of shinobi, Kakashi is quick to summon a Kage bunshin before their enemy notices them. The bunshin will hide and take the first chance it has to grab the girl and get her away quickly and safely.

They attack swiftly but precisely, using the element of surprise. Kakashi could have used Chidori, could have killed one of these men before they even noticed he was there, but the girl was watching, a teary-eyed little civilian so he knocks the ninja out instead, before the man even knows he’s there.

The bunshin does its job and Kakashi is left watching the two chuunin face off against the two enemy nin who are probably a high-chuunin or low-jounin level themselves. He watches the fight, intervenes a few times (only when necessary) and feels nostalgic about his days as a jounin-sensei watching with a hawks eye and a lazy slouch as his kids started fighting their own battles.

When all is done the two men are dead – only Kakashi’s enemy survived. They are (were) all missing-nin like him but that means little to him when he never really considers himself a missing-nin at all.

Instead he feels more kinship to the two suspicious chuunin who he still (will always) consider his comrades. “Where’s Kumiko-chan?”

“Perfectly safe with my Kage bunshin.” Kakashi answer happily. “This way.”

They follow him hesitantly, leaving a safe space between them. Kakashi is not worried at having these two at his back.

The Aburame speaks up; “You could have ended this battle sooner. Instead you let us fight them. Why?”

“Well, it’s your mission. I didn’t want to butt in. Would have been impolite.”

“Yes, I’m sure you take politeness very seriously.” Iruka’s voice is more sarcastic than he’s ever heard it. Who knew that the man could be so hostile under stressful circumstances?

“Maa, Umino-san – I think I’m offended. You’ve been the rude one today, not me.”

Iruka looks quietly horrified to be scolded on manners by a nukenin, and Kakashi can’t help but chuckle.

Yeah, it’s not what he would have signed up for, the missing-nin gig, or tumbling into another dimension. But it's not exactly a fate worse than death either.

He’ll make the best of it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi has been in this crazy dimension (that he completely blames Naruto for) for, how many months? 
> 
> Four.
> 
> Guess what? He still doesn’t even know why he’s a nukenin!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HaHAH! I have finally learned the art of line break! (Yes, I really was that stupid to not realize there was a button there) 
> 
> But my stories will remain with '~*~' because I feel that it gives my stories a little 'it's completely mine' sort of vibe.
> 
> This chapter is mine. First chapter is WhisperingDarkness.

Even after his collaboration with Iruka and the Aburame on that mission, Kakashi takes even more care in avoiding all Konoha ninja, his threat level in Leaf has dropped from ‘flee-on-sight’ to ‘apprehend-using-force-if-needed’. The rest of the Elemental countries still contain the fleeing order.

Kakashi knows that should he ever be caught, Konoha will gladly torture him until death. Because why would a nukenin help the village he defected from?

And his bounty has risen. 18 million ryo dead, 2 billion ryo alive. It is too much to believe, but mercenaries will try. It’s only a matter of time. 

And it turns out avoiding Leaf ninja becomes harder once the Sandaime Hokage, _his leader (though the wizened man does not know that),_ begins sending out Hunter-nin after him.

Kakashi is stringing the most creative curses he knows through his brain, the typical ones already used too many times, and he takes off into the trees, navigating them with the grace only a Konoha ninja, whether nukenin or not.

But he is (was) a Konoha ninja.

The Oinin are also Konoha ninja.

Which leaves Kakashi in a bit of a dilemma.

He _could_ cross over the borders to a different country, _but_ he wouldn’t have a home advantage. But the Hunter-nin that are trailing him too close, also have a home advantage.

Kakashi has been in this crazy dimension (that he completely blames Naruto for) for, how many months?

Guess what? _He still doesn’t even know why he’s a nukenin!_

His steps falter slightly as he realises that he’s been here for four months. Four months of being alone without Naruto, without his stupidly cheerful grin, and Sakura, who would beat him into the ground for not eating proper meals for the last few days.

 _Like an amateur_ , _dammit_ , Kakashi berates himself harshly, as his slight hesitance is taken advantage of and all Kakashi can do is fall to the ground and rolls as a barrage of kunai and shuriken pierce the tree he was standing on.

More swear words enter his mind as he almost trips over an upraised root, because he supposed to be a ninja, an S-rank missing-nin with a ‘flee-on-sight’ order.

And he almost tripped over a root.

Jeez, he hates life (read: Naruto) sometimes.                                                                        

But Kakashi can’t spare any more time to complain, the hunter-nin are _right there_ and they’re all prepared to take him down.

“Screw this,” Kakashi murmurs and throws a kunai at the nearest Oinin’s head.

The knife barely misses the man, cracking the mask slightly.

Kakashi replaces himself with a log as shuriken embed the wooden surface.

Kakashi only registers the porcelain of another mask in front of him as he ducks, a katana slicing through the tree behind him.

Kakashi backpedals furiously and leaps up onto a branch, the hunter-nin following, unhelpfully throwing shuriken at the (not really) missing-nin.

Then the squad of four suddenly have five and Kakashi lets out another curse, because five on one is way too hard, because these are hunter-nin, which are branches of ANBU.

And then five turns to eight as three more hunter-nin show up, they show up to take down Hatake Kakashi, missing-nin with a flee-on-sight order.

They did not show up to capture Hatake Kakashi, Jounin, ex-ANBU captain and Jounin-sensei who wound up in a crazy universe.

Cussing doesn’t seem to help, it almost scares Kakashi as he thinks that he’s turning into that immortal guy in the Akatsuki, but it calms him down as well.

Kakashi glances around desperately, trying to look for something, _anything_ to help his current predicament because, _damn it,_ two hunter-nin squads are overkill. Then, Kakashi spots it, a little something that the metaphorical ‘light of hope’. 

There’s a half-completed explosive tag, lying on the ground in a corpse’s grip.

So Kakashi drops onto the ground next to the body and yanks the thin paper out of the stiff fingers.

 _Huh,_ Kakashi thinks, _rigor mortis, the person died 24 hours ago, the most._

Then Kakashi makes quick work of the tag, biting his thumb to draw blood, before he swipes it across, breaking the stabilizing matrix, placing it face down onto the earth. Kakashi drops his scratched hitae-ate on top of the tag and shunshins into a nearby burnt husk of a tree trunk, slipping into the empty void between two charred pieces that were bark.

The double hunter-nin team stops at the metal forehead protector and a subordinate picks it up, raising his mask to sniff at it.

Must be an Inuzuka.

Then there’s a horrible noise of dirt compressing and loosening and the earth below the Oinin explodes and they’re sent flying up into the air, thrown across the clearing and strung onto the branches of nearby trees.

 

~*~

 

The captain blearily opens his eyes, from his sprawled out perch on a small tree, mask cracked, and watching silently as his target, Hatake Kakashi, jauntily leaps out a rotting trunk and picks up the battered hitae-ate, dusting off dirt and soot.

Then Hatake Kakashi walks up to the captain, speaking cheerfully, “Maa, that was really mean of you, Raidou-san. Eight against one if really unfair.”

Raidou keeps his jaw clenched as Hatake Kakashi whips out a bright orange book from under the black cloak he is wearing. The missing-nin flips the book open to a page and says, “Well, I wouldn’t blame you, but since you’re technically immobile, how about I read you a story?”

Raidou groans slightly as Hatake Kakashi begins reading.

Half an hour later, and sixty pages more of porn, the session comes to an end.  

“And Miyako’s hands trailed downwards, slipping past the waistband of—“

“Please! Just kill me! Make it fast, at least, not this torture.” Raidou grumbles. Hatake Kakashi snaps his Icha Icha Paradise closed and leans forwards, almost nose-to-nose to the ANBU captain.

“And why would I want to do that?” Hatake asks ominously.

“I’m lonely, being on the run is so _boring_ sometimes.” Hatake Kakashi continues, whining like a bratty child, “My only entertainment is my book and you guys.”

Raidou twitches his hands slightly, the small movement connecting all the nerves in his body to his brain and suddenly he can _feel_ everything.

 _Everything_ actually hurts quite a lot.

But nevertheless, Raidou can move, and he will move.

So the captain slowly slipped downwards to his kunai pouch, grasping the handle tightly, Raidou throws himself upwards, towards Hatake.

But the ANBU is injured, the missing-nin, eh, not so much.

Hatake dodges the knife easily but another comes whizzing out, so the silver-haired man moves to the side and Raidou has to roll to avoid his ally’s weapon.

Hatake Kakashi bends his knees and pushes himself up, leaping and landing easily, silently onto a thick tree branch, metres above Raidou.

“Well, it was fun playing tag with you. Let’s play hide-and-seek next, ne?”

Then the infuriating man melts into the shadows of the canopy’s cover.

Genma and Hayate land beside Raidou and support him as the man’s knees give out and he collapses.

Both of them are a bit burnt in places, a tad bruised, exhausted, but they’re alive. That’s more than enough.

“You did well, cap, I almost gnawed my ears off and I was three kilometres that way.” Genma says, gesturing towards the west.

Hayate coughs and says, “Was that really Hatake Kakashi?”

“Yes,” Raidou replies, “He may help out our village whenever he likes, but he’s still that sadistic man from ANBU.”

“Let’s go home and report to Hokage-sama about the failed apprehension mission.”

“Agreed.”

 

~*~

 

Kakashi runs, backtracking a few times to keep other nin off his tail. His limbs are heavy with exhaustion but his heart is light because Hayate is still alive and Genma and Raidou don’t have those shadows over their faces from two wars. Sure, Kakashi saw Genma and Raidou before, but it’s relaxing to know that Raidou is still as easily flappable as ever.  

Kakashi skids to a stop, panting, he resists the urge to bend over and straightens, sucking in his stomach and pushing out his ribs, holding his breath for a few seconds. Then he exhales and calms his breathing.

Kakashi almost ungracefully sinks to his knees, _almost_ but not. He gracefully does so.

The edges of his vision blurs slightly, indicating chakra exhaustion, after all, he had been using chakra to make leaps and bounds.

 _Wow,_ Kakashi thinks, _my chakra stores are pitifully low._

And they are.

It seems that this universe’s Kakashi hadn’t messed around and experimented with the Sharingan.

Now, body pressed to the ground, Kakashi sees a hollow tree and crawls into it, allowing his body to go limp as he slips down the empty cylinder, landing with a quiet _thump_ at the bottom, slumping into the dirt.

Kakashi glances around quickly, he’s sitting on earth, in between a trap of roots, acting almost like a prison.

Deeming his root jail enough, he allows himself to relax into unconsciousness.

 

 

~*~

 

 

 _‘Hello,’_ Kakashi says. He is naked. There is another him there.

 _‘So, you’re the one who trapped me?’_ Hatake replies. He is also naked, but he has a sour look on his face.

Kakashi studies himself thoroughly, ‘ _This is actually quite disturbing.’_

Hatake sneers, ‘ _Tell me about it. I just wake up and find myself trapped, inside my own body.’_

Kakashi snorts, ‘ _Welcome to my world. Everything will go wrong. Blame Naruto.’_

Hatake says, ‘ _Who’s Naruto? Isn’t that Minato-sensei’s son?’_

 _‘Aha! So you do know who Naruto is!’_ Kakashi declares with a triumphant smirk.

Both Kakashi’s fall into a silence. Kakashi sends over a curious glance.

 _‘So,’_ Kakashi starts conversationally, _‘Why’d you go missing-nin?’_

Hatake scoffs, _‘They expected me to kill children. They expected me to **burn down and orphanage!**_ _What could I possibly have done? So I left. Konoha should be the ones to burn, not innocent children. I’d already assassinated twenty-eight children within three months._

Kakashi pauses for a second, ‘ _Wait, so Sandaime Hokage-sama didn’t force you to retire?’_

Hatake makes a displeased noise, _‘Of course not. I would have jumped at the chance.’_

Kakashi thinks for a second, _‘So you became a missing-nin with a ‘flee-on-sight’ order?’_

Hatake says bitterly, _‘If I’m going to go missing-nin, I may as well do it well. Besides, I’ve lived up to Minato-sensei’s reputation, as bad as it is.’_

Kakashi nods sagely, _‘I see.’_

Hatake nudges Kakashi slightly, _‘Well, you better wake up. It’s morning.’_

So Kakashi did.

 

 

~*~

 

Kakashi’s chest is pressed against the ground as he struggles to breathe. The movement sends up a small cloud of dirt and dust, but Kakashi doesn’t cough. His mask, his oh-so-faithful-no-matter-which-universe-it’ll-always-be-with-him mask, blocks out most of it.

There’s sunlight filtering in through the roots trapping him, it’s hot and bothersome. Kakashi pushes himself up, ignoring the creak of bones as he shakes soil off his hair.

Kakashi brushes himself off, making himself appear as presentable as he can inside the cramped prison of his.

There is the _clunk_ of footsteps and Kakashi freezes.

Kakashi peers through the bars of roots, catching sight of a family of merchants. They’re travelling carefully, Kakashi can see a four shinobi standing guard.

It’s a jounin-sensei and genin team. Kakashi feels a terrible ache in his chest, not really in his heart, but more of a pressure trying to escape by pushing outwards. It’s uncomfortable and slightly painful as his ‘Eternal Rival’ cheerfully makes his way down the path.

Kakashi slinks out of the tree, hauling up his body out of the gap in the bark.

His body isn’t very coordinated as he stumbles, making the slightest of sounds. Team Gai turns towards his direction, Neji’s Byakugan activated.

“Gai-sensei,” He says urgently. The green clad man listens intently.

“There’s an S-ranked missing-nin around the area. I think he woke up from… a nap?”

Kakashi silently curses the Hyuuga clan and begins running, making his way up into the trees, out of the Byakugan’s range.

“I see,” Gai says, frowning slightly.

Gai then turns towards his client and begins ushering the family along quicker. Kakashi watches the merchants carefully, they’re dressed wealthily and seem to be heading towards Yugakure. There’s a little girl, two little boys and the mother and father.

Four Iwa Missing-nin drop down from the trees, smug looks on their faces.

Team Gai is prepared, no doubt Neji’s bloodline tipping them off, Tenten begins an assault by hurling three kunai towards the nearest nukenin.

The nukenin dodge and charge forwards, brandishing various weapons.

Tenten suddenly has ninja wires around her fingers and the kunai have curved back towards the group of missing-nin.

It’s a good tactic, but not enough.  

Nevertheless, there’s two jounin in the group and two chuunin.

Gai can handle them all by himself, however, Gai has to protect his students, who are too much out of their depth. Kakashi commends them silently, Team Gai are certainly doing more than his Team Seven had done during the Wave mission, with all three genin fighting the two chuunin nukenin.

But they won’t win and will most likely end up dieing.

 _‘They’re just children!’_ Kakashi can almost hear Hatake raging.

Kakashi sighs, but nevertheless obeys his gut feeling and leaps down onto the ground, in front of the genin.

“Don’t you guys have something better to do than to pick on genin?” He snarls.

The chuunin almost seem to wet themselves as they immediately scramble away. Kakashi turns around and can’t help but pat Rock Lee on the head.

Then, without a word, he lunges towards the two jounin battling Gai.

A single slice and the two nukenin are decapitated and dead.

A single bow towards Gai.

A single eye-smile towards his genin.

A single wave towards the merchant family.

Then Kakashi is gone, fleeing as far as he can, away from the people who make his heart race with adrenaline.

 

Kakashi never realises that he wishes that Gai would call him out as his ‘Eternal Rival’.

 

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how was it?


	3. Chapter 3

Kakashi only really stops running when he’s far, far away. And when he stops, he wants to continue running but Kakashi’s chest feels like someone did a Great Fireball in it, his lungs feel ripped out and his legs are cramping and refusing to work properly.

Kakashi glances around carefully, observing his surroundings with a trained eye, discerning no threats, he eases his legs down and sits gratefully on his tree branch.

Resting for a while, Kakashi looks around. The trees do not have many marks on them, very few ninja come along this direction, but there is always a possibility, so Kakashi pushes as much chakra as he can spare into his legs and jumps a few branches higher, deeming it safe enough to set up a very, very small camp along the narrow but sturdy bough.

He strings a small piece of cloth between two branches, throws a tarp over a few sticks to create a small shelter and lays down on the hastily made hammock.

When he closes his eyes, he finds himself with Hatake again, their pale skin a stark contrast between the dark background.

 _‘I need details,’_ Kakashi begins the conversation. Hatake looks at him warily, _‘About what?’_

 _‘The mission which you flunked out on.’_ Kakashi replies easily. Hatake’s shoulders tense slightly, before he spits out in an acidic voice, _‘There’s nothing else I need to tell you about.’_

Kakashi doesn’t say anything, he stares at Hatake impassively. Hatake stares back defiantly.

 _‘Fine!’_ Hatake throws his hands up in defeat, _‘There was his noble guy, apparently he only got his noble title from his death relative. Apparently said relative had a child. Dead parent, child to orphanage. Noble doesn’t know who the child is, goodbye orphanage.’_

 _‘Goodbye sanity,’_ Kakashi grimaces in realisation. Hatake slumps over, a bitter look on his face as he whispers out, _‘I killed every last person in the orphanage, supervisors to babies. Then I killed Masato, Shima and Tarou.’_

 _‘I see,’_ Kakashi says, a little unimpressed, ‘ _But haven’t you killed lots of other people?’_

_‘But they were Konoha nin! They trusted me… And I turned my blade on them.’_

_‘Hmm,’_ Kakashi says, an aloof look on his face, heart unresponsive.

 _‘The least you could do is **act**_ _like you’ve got an ounce on sympathy!’_ Hatake snaps. Kakashi skims his eyes over Hatake’s nude form boredly, _‘Mmhmm…’_

 _‘I bet you’re comparing sizes.’_ Hatake pouts. Kakashi doesn’t respond, a critical eye glaring at the not-as-toned-as-in-the-other-dimension body.

 _‘Yup,’_ Kakashi confirms, _‘We need to work out a new training regimen.’_

Hatake splutters indignantly, _‘My body is absolutely fine! I’ve survived for years in this and—‘_

 _‘But surviving is different to living.’_ Kakashi interrupts. The comment shuts Hatake up.

 _‘Goodbye,’_ Kakashi says curtly, _‘I will be visiting soon enough.’_

_‘Hold on a sec—‘_

Kakashi forces open his eyes with great difficulty, eyelids hopelessly heavy.

 _No,_ Kakashi tells himself, _I cannot fall asleep again, Hatake is waiting for me there._

With the thought of an angry, bitter Hatake, Kakashi’s mind forces itself to stay awake.

 

 

~*~

 

 

Kakashi wakes to almost falling off his hammock, a harsh breeze of wind tipping him off to the side, the cloth twisting and flinging him off. Seasoned reflexes kick in and Kakashi lands on a separate branch in a crouch, his hand unconsciously making its way towards the scratched forehead protector.

A sickening feeling tosses his stomach around, it reminded him of when Kakashi took his cute little genin camping, they had attempted to take off his mask and got pissed when there was a second one underneath. They woke him up by cutting the strings of the hammock.

A rare show of emotions, Kakashi packs up his temporary camp with a quiet groan, the stomach ache becoming a small, dull throb in the background as he begins travelling again.

Kakashi stumbles along a path unintentionally, but he’s there nonetheless. The dirt is compact and well worn, many people, presumably merchants and ninja, come through this way.

Kakashi shrouds himself in the shadows of the trees, blending easily into the darkness as if it is natural, and continues along, maintaining a safe distance away from sight.

The trees and shrubbery change slightly after a short period of time and Kakashi feels a twinge of recognition.

“I’m on the outskirts of Tanzaku Gai. That’s good.” Kakashi murmurs to himself, steps never faltering.

“I’ll need accommodation, and—“

Kakashi is cut off by a growl.

“I need some food.”

He rubs his groaning, pained stomach sympathetically.

 

~*~

 

 

“Look, I’m not saying that you’re _weak_ or anything, I’m just mentioning that your body has had terrible conditioning.” Kakashi says out loud to Hatake, irritation growing.

_‘You are totally saying that my body sucks, I’m sooo sorry that I can’t have state-of-the-arts training grounds and an excess amount of jounin to train with.’_

“I am and you’re forgiven.” Kakashi replies amiably. Hatake lets loose another string of rather creative curses.

Kakashi is lying on the slightly lumpy bed, he had won a night’s stay in an inn when he played the innkeeper at a game of cards.

It didn’t really matter if someone had bugged the room, all they would hear was an incredibly one-sided conversation.

“I’m thinking of completely reconditioning your body.”

_‘You won’t do crap! Unlike you, I’m a missing-nin! If someone caught us while we are exhausted from training, we’d be defenceless! I don’t have safe walls to hide behind and a secure house!’_

“You shut up. Don’t prove me wrong. How dare you be right!” Kakashi declares.

_‘J-Just… Go take a bath. You stink like hell.’_

“I’ll give _you_ hell.”

 _‘Take a bath.’_ Hatake punctuated his words clearly.

“Sheesh, whatever.”

Kakashi slings his body off the bed and slowly makes his way over to the featured hot springs. Pulling out a spare set of clothes from a sealing scroll, he strips easily and sinks deftly into the steaming water, letting out a relieved sigh.

“Ah,” Kakashi says, alerting himself that he’d forgotten something. Kakashi slowly allows a pinpoint sliver of chakra out of his fingers, carefully manoeuvring them to reach into his cloak pocket and pulls out the orange covered book.

Icha Icha Paradise sits comfortably in his hand, Kakashi flips to a middle page, humming quietly as he reads.

A small, little perverted giggle escapes from his lips as he went through an innuendo.

“Sakumo?” An amazed voice cuts off Kakashi’s reading.

Kakashi glances up with an annoyed look in his eye.

 

…

 

And promptly chokes on his tongue.

“ _Jiraiya-sama?!”_

For a moment Kakashi completely forgets he is in a stupid universe and thinks he is dead for a second.

“You’re…not Sakumo. So you must be Hatake Kakashi, S-ranked nukenin.” Jiraiya says grimly. Kakashi nods curtly, shifting uncomfortably. Thank god for keeping his mask on.

“Yes. I was rather enjoying my soak. Could we do the whole ‘attempt-to-detain-and-bring-me-back-to-Konoha-to-torture’ process _after_ I get out and get dressed? I would prefer not running through a village stark naked.” Kakashi says pleasantly, as if discussing the weather. Jiraiya narrows his eyes but, nevertheless sinks down into the water.

An awkward silence weighs down upon the two, only broken by Kakashi’s constant page turning.

“…So, you’re into my books?” Jiraiya asks. Kakashi gives a brief nod, “They’re good.”

“Last time I saw you,” Jiraiya pauses and the silent words are carried over, _in Konoha,_ “You were all uptight and into the rules. ‘ _A good shinobi should not read such abominations’_ I believe you said.”

“What can I say?” Kakashi replies nonchalantly, “Kill people, go insane, become a nukenin, things change people.”

“I see.” Jiraiya said, clearly not seeing.

A large hand is suddenly on Kakashi’s silver hair and Kakashi gets his head dunked underneath the surface of the water, re-emerging with sopping hair and a soaked cotton mask. He yanks at various parts of his mask and begins squeezing small amounts of liquid out of the material, coughing slightly. As a reflex, Kakashi had thrown his Icha Icha across the springs, onto the stone floor as to keep his precious book dry.  

Jiraiya’s bellowing laughs bring some humour into the situation, “You look like a wet puppy!”

“Oh, har har, laugh it up,” Kakashi says tiredly, wiping away water from his eyes. Jiraiya sobers up and gets a bit more of a serious look on his face, “Pleasantries aside, afterwards, I will come after you.”

“Are you going for the bounty on my head?” Kakashi asks. Jiraiya frowns before shaking his head, “Nah, I’ll bring you back to Konoha alive. I heard you’ve got an even larger bounty if you’re still kicking.”

“Hmm, yeah,” Kakashi hums, leaning back against the side of the spring, “It’s very interesting, isn’t it?”

“What is?”

“I help out people as a sign of goodwill and all I’ll get is a long, long bonding session with Ibiki.” Kakashi sighs. Jiraiya tenses slightly, before asking in a casual voice, “Oh, you know Morino is the head of T&I?”

“Yes.” At this point, Kakashi should have realised that something was wrong, but he didn’t, his craving for the feeling of camaraderie forced all doubtful thoughts out of his mind.

“But I could swear you’ve never returned back to Konoha,” Jiraiya continues in his easy-going voice, “And Inoichi Yamanaka was still head of T&I when you turned nukenin, how could you possibly know about Ibiki?”

Kakashi’s mind reels, realising that he had fallen into Jiraiya’s trap easily.

 _‘Stupid, stupid! You said you’ve survived war!’_ Hatake crows.

“I just do.” Kakashi says. Jiraiya gives a small grin, “Ah! So you have contacts? Who in Konoha would be willing to sell Leaf out, I wonder?”

There is harsh, cold metal pressed against the skin of Kakashi’s neck, the water sloshes as Jiraiya is next to him, a kunai at Kakashi’s throat.

 _Damn it,_ Kakashi growls in his mind, _I totally forgot that I’m in an insane dimension._

“Will you let me enjoy the rest of my soak in peace if I give you a name?”

Jiraiya doesn’t say anything.

“How about two?” Kakashi offers. Jiraiya reluctantly agrees, “Two names. They better be legit.”

“Oh, they are. Traitors of Konoha, both of them. Isn’t it delightful that they both rest at the heart of the village they betray?”

“Names. _Now.”_

“Aah, you won’t know one. You will find out easily, though, the other you’d know extremely well.”

“Speak.”

Kakashi sighs, “Are you sure? You might not want to know. Do you want me to tell you the crimes they’ve committed as well?”

Jiraiya narrows his eyes but nods. Kakashi chuckles, “Kabuto, Yakushi Kabuto. He’s a previous member of Root, also a traitor there as well. He works for Orochimaru.”

The mention of Jiraiya’s old teammate had the Toad Sage alert.

“The other?” Jiraiya hisses. Kakashi remains mocking, “Are you really sure? You wouldn’t be able to weed him out.”

The kunai is drawing blood.

“Fine, fine,” Kakashi leers, “No need to get uppity about it. His name is Shimura Danzo. You know him? Village elder? He’d been conspiring with Orochimaru _and_ Hanzo of the Salamander. I believe you know both, didn’t the Salamander guy give you the title of the _Sannin?_ ”

“Why do you know so much?” Jiraiya growls. Kakashi gives a small, manly giggle, “That’d be my secret. Now, can I go back to sitting in this delectably warm water without having the threat of my head being chopped off?”

Jiraiya removes the kunai regrettably and Kakashi sinks down to his chin in the water.

Once Jiraiya moves back to across the pool, Kakashi bolts.

He heaves himself out of the steaming liquid and makes a break for it, rushing into the change rooms and throwing his clothes on hastily.

Water splashes as Jiraiya reacts and follows after Kakashi.

A shuriken almost hits Kakashi’s head but he darts to the left and throws himself out of the closed paper door, crashing through it and barrelling down the hallway. Barrages of weapons are hurled at him but none connect.

Kakashi sprints to his room, spreading his small amount of belongs throughout three sealing scrolls.

Jiraiya’s quiet footsteps make their way over to Kakashi’s room, the Toad Sage throws open the door.

No one is in the room, the answer to the empty space is simple.

The window is wide open.

A three-story high building will not stop a determined, desperate shinobi.

 

~*~

 

After Kakashi makes his rather daring escape, he casts a light henge over himself, sweeping black hair that covered his Sharingan and a brown eye with a scarf around his face, he slips into the crowd, pulling in his chakra into a small but loose ball, imitating a civilian’s chakra perfectly.

 _‘Nifty little trick,’_ Hatake comments, _‘where’d you learn it?’_

 _‘Here and there,’_ Kakashi replies.

He’s walking past one of the many casinos but a man pulls him in.

“Come on in! Try your luck! You might win something!” He yells over the chatter. Kakashi carefully pries the man’s grip off in case he disrupts the henge.

“No thank you, I’m fine.” Kakashi says politely. The man laughs heartily, jabbing a thumb over to a corner, “The Legendary Sucker is over there, if you face her, you’re sure to escape with some extra cash.”

Kakashi once again politely refuses but the man wouldn’t hear any of it. Pushing Kakashi over, he hands some cards to him, “There you go.”

Kakashi looks at the cards in his hands and shrugs, “One game can’t hurt.”

 

 

~*~

 

 

It turns out it did.

Quite a lot.

Tsunade had won.

Kakashi had lost.

He was totally doomed.

Tsunade had stared at her cards before throwing them down on the table, “Full house.”

Kakashi looks at his cards, “Your game.”

He pushes his money towards the Slug Princess and makes an escape but is stopped by Shizune.

“Ah, sorry for bumping into you.” Kakashi says as kindly as possible. Shizune shakes her head cheerfully, “No, it was my fault entirely. By the way, have I seen you before?”

Kakashi taps a finger to his chin and says flirtingly, “No, I don’t think so. I think I would have remembered your pretty face anywhere.”

Shizune flushes slightly, almost out of politeness and steps to the left a little, allowing Kakashi to step out of the casino.

A fist hits him in the stomach, sending him flying back into the casino.

It is Jiraiya again.

“Oh hell no.” Kakashi murmurs as his henge flickers and disperses, leaving him in all his nukenin glory.

He picks himself up and dodges as another fist, one that would hit noticeably harder, and flips over a table.

“I was gambling with a _missing-nin?_ ” Tsunade screeches. Kakashi gulps audibly and runs, leaping over tables and people and ducking under all sorts of projectiles.

When Kakashi makes it to a window, he tosses himself through the glass and dodges a spurt of oil that abruptly gets lit.

Picking off small splinters of glass, Kakashi begins the chase, darting nimbly over roofs and drawing the Sannin away from the town because _damn,_ they get destructive.

The two Sannin may be less agile than Kakashi but they were fast. Very fast.

 _‘Just let me take over,’_ Hatake whispers into his mind.

“I’d love to, but I can’t. I don’t know how.”

_‘Relinquish control. Stop moving. Allow **me.** ’ _

“Fine.” With that, Kakashi pauses and collapses, cutting off his connection to the world.

Leisurely, Kakashi rises.

 ** _“Ha! I’m back!”_** Hatake grins with a jaded, corrupted, dark look in his eye.

Ever so slowly, Hatake reaches up and pulls the scratched hitae-ate up and allows the swirling, red, **demon-eye** a view of the world.

**_“Obito, I told you I would show you the future. I’ll show you the world.”_ **

****

~*~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yup, second chapter. I know it took a while, I have no excuses. 
> 
> First chap was by WhisperingDarkness, who's awesome. 
> 
> feel free to leave kudos and comments. 
> 
> Carrot_loves_you
> 
> BTW, check this url out to know what's going on: http://archiveofourown.org/works/2167794/chapters/5910236


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's...fighting. 
> 
> It's short. 
> 
> And half complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, I'm on hiatus. 
> 
> After this chapter, I swear I'll go back to my hiatus.
> 
> But this half-chapter was sitting on the edge of my mind and I had written it before I was on hiatus. 
> 
> I guess... You can leave a comment and kudos and go look for WhisperingDarkness who wrote the first chapter.

Jiraiya doesn’t really understand why Kakashi just collapses.

When Kakashi rises at a slower pace, Jiraiya instantly knows something’s wrong. Kakashi has a strange look in his eye, and he lifts up his hitae-ate and reveals his Sharingan.

Jiraiya curses as he instantly casts his gaze to the ground, the Sharingan can cast strong genjutsu after all. Tsunade lands next to him, fists tightening.

 “He’s changed demeanour. It’s bad. Perhaps a second personality?” Jiraiya suggests.

Kakashi pulls out two kunai and launches them at the two Sannin’s feet.

Tsunade notices the tags on the handles of the kunai and screams, “Jump!”

Jiraiya obeys quickly, just in time, an explosion char his sandals but he remains unharmed.

“This,” Jiraiya says, “Is the Hatake Kakashi I remember.”

Kakashi lunges forward, shuriken coming towards the Sannin, who avoids them easily.

The nukenin dodges Tsunade’s punches and breezes past her, raining three short, hard punches on her abdomen. Tsunade gets pushed back a few feet, but is not harmed.

A kunai pins her to a wall and Kakashi begins running towards Jiraiya when suddenly, his feet jerk to the side.

Kakashi’s look of surprise is astounding.

“Not here,” Kakashi murmurs, “Too many people down there.”

Jiraiya knows that he’s talking about the civilians below the roofs, milling around on the street.

“Forget them,” Kakashi snarls, “They can go die for all I care.”

“No. Go out of town.” Kakashi murmurs and Jiraiya realises that he’s conversing with _himself,_ further cementing the double-personality theory.

Kakashi rolls his eyes and takes off, legs pounding noisily over the ceramic tiles of the roofs. Jiraiya follows and Tsunade rips the kunai off, freeing herself and giving pursuit.

When the nukenin reaches the forests surrounding the town, he stops and pants, taking deep, liberating breaths.

“Shut the hell up! My body is not weak!” Kakashi snaps. Then he pauses, as if listening to someone, “I don’t care! I’ve been on the run for years, unlike _you!”_

Jiraiya hovers around the clearing the Kakashi is standing in.

“Yes, _I know_ that Jiraiya is here…No, I _will_ stop talking to you…You know you’re very annoying, right? Of course you know… What?! You go out of your way act obnoxious?” Kakashi growls.

Jiraiya blinks, is his other personality not a nukenin?

Tsunade rushes up from behind Jiraiya and leaps into the clearing, brandishing her fists.

Kakashi uses his famous technique, lightning crackles and birds begins chirping. Jiraiya screams at Tsunade to _get out of the way_ but he can’t be heard over the Chidori.

Tsunade barely dodges the technique and Kakashi continues barrelling forwards and Jiraiya realises Kakashi’s true target. Jiraiya.

Tsunade cries out and comes after Kakashi, but he’s too far ahead and he’s coming in fast.

Jiraiya tries to move but he looks down and sees a dog, its teeth are clamped into his leg and when the dog releases its bite, there a transparent, purple liquid dripping off the teeth. Jiraiya doesn’t feel his body so he falls over backwards, slumping against a tree trunk.

 _Paralyser,_ Jiraiya notices. Jiraiya is frozen and Kakashi is coming at him with a deadly technique. The Toad Sage closes his eyes and resigns himself to be killed by his late friend’s son.

The pain does not come.

Kakashi’s arm is implanted into the tree behind Jiraiya, the lightning fizzles away, only singeing Jiraiya’s white hair.

Kakashi seems to struggle for a second, “You bastard!” He screams, “I had him right there!”

“I don’t mind beating up, but Jiraiya-sama’s a Konoha nin!” Kakashi retorts back.

“You don’t just _deter_ a Chidori!”

“I just did.”

The _second, nicer_ Kakashi seems to sound a bit smug. Jiraiya just sort of stares at the madman arguing with himself.

Kakashi then let’s out a raging cuss as he darts to the side, barely avoiding Tsunade’s dangerous fists.

“Let’s not get carried away with arguing?” Kakashi asks himself.

“Uh huh.” Kakashi replies.

Tsunade stalks over to Jiraiya and puts her back to him, guarding him as she falls into a taijutsu stance.

“You’re completely useless.” Tsunade tuts, a watchful eye kept on Kakashi.

“I know,” Jiraiya says back, jaw aching from the movement, “I know.”

Kakashi does not attack, instead, a fast series of jumbled up words begin emitting from his mouth, “Diplomacy—nukenin, here—ally—nope—I hate you—feeling’s mutual—but seriousl—no—talk it throu—no—yes—no—yes—no—ye-oh, dodge!”

Tsunade throws herself forwards, getting tired of listening to an insane man. Kakashi doesn’t react in time, almost as if his body doesn’t move to his will, and only hurls himself away just as Tsunade’s punch glances off his shoulder.

“Ow—fuc—Don’t you swear in front of a Sannin—Fudging _dammit—_ That’s it, I’m throwing us off a bridge—You wouldn’t dare—Shut the hell up and fix your shoulder, it hurts like a bitc—Hypocrite.” Kakashi says as he cradles the probably broken shoulder.

Jiraiya slowly feels his toes burning from pins and needles as he wiggles them.

Then, shakily, Jiraiya rises and goes through the sequence for a summoning.

There’s a large puff of smoke that leaves Tsunade and Kakashi coughing, and they both look at the summoned creature.

And Tsunade resigns herself to watching the show.

“ _Oh shi—_ Language— _Shitake mushrooms.”_ Kakashi murmurs as a giant toad appears, squashing the surrounding trees easily.

“That’s totally overkill.” Kakashi comments amiably. Then Kakashi begins to nod frantically, “Yeah, it is, so why don’t we… I don’t know, _RUN?_ ”

“I’d probably agree.” Kakashi says relaxedly, before his legs jerk and he’s on the run. Again.

Jiraiya just patiently waits it out as Gamabunta swears like there’d be no tomorrow, and when the Toad Boss is done, he points to the small tinge of silver hair that’s darting through the thin coverage of the forest, “Gamabunta, could you go after that kid. Try not to kill him.”

Gamabunta swears some more before going off in long leaps.

 

 

~*~

 

 

“Pathetic.” Kakashi hisses through his teeth as only one shadow clone appears. Shadow clone Kakashi throws up a middle finger and Kakashi blanches for a second, “ _Hatake?”_

“I hate you.” Hatake says without missing a beat. Kakashi stares for a second before snapping back into reality, “I hate you too.”

Then Hatake grimaces and gestures to a random direction, “I’ll be going there. Take care of my body because I’ll kill you if you end up dieing. Give me back my body, and _then_ die.”

“Right. You know what to do, be a distraction.” Kakashi agrees.

“Then you go that wa—“ Hatake is cut off by a giant toad as Gamabunta leaps forwards and is crouched in front of them.

“Let’s just say that we should run.”

“I agree.”

Then the two Kakashi split and bolt into two different directions.

“Well… This’ll be a problem.” Jiraiya says from his perch atop the Toad Boss’ head, he had forgotten to keep track of the real Kakashi.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so... If you have noticed, when it's kinda Jiraiya's POV, Hatake and Kakashi are just Kakashi, because Jiraiya suspects that there's two personalities, but they're both still Kakashi to him.
> 
> Comments and kudos are love, and don't feel stupid about commenting about anything, if it's questions, or criticism (only because I'm a really laid back person) or praise, because, even if I don't seem like it, I do check the comments.

**Author's Note:**

> Adopted from WhisperingDarkness


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